There isn't any entity separate from the aggregates*. When something upsets us we are thinking of an entity ("me") that needs to be defended from insult or injury. While there is a body that is made up of various tissues, a brain that has different regions with different functions, a mind with different ways or producing thoughts, emotions, impulses, sensory experiences, sense of self or no-self, there isn't actually an entity ("me") separate from those various different things. Yet we think "I have a body, I have a mind, those thoughts emotions impulses are mine". There isn't any actual unified entity, "I", or "me", that has those things only the separate parts. Our attachments to self are based on an idea of a "me" that does not exist, when the basis for the attachments is understood to be an illusion, the attachments diminish.
When you understand from observing the mind in action that there isn't any entity separate from those different parts, that there is no one that needs to be protected from insult or injury, then attachments and suffering diminish. But reading these words alone may not allow you to understand this. The way to understand it is to quiet the mind with relaxing meditation, then watch the activity of the mind:
- Notice the arising and fading of thoughts, emotions, impulses, sensory experiences, and the sense of self or no-self.
- Notice thoughts, emotions, impulses etc. pop into awareness fully formed from who-knows-where. You don't see how they are formed, created, or chosen. When you try to concentrate you get distracted by stray thoughts. You have unwanted emotions - you don't choose your emotions. You have impulses that are often unhelpful. Sensory perceptions and sensations appear in consciousness and you can't stop them. People have conflicting desires that work at cross purposes such as craving food when trying to lose weight. You don't control your thoughts, emotions, impulses etc., so you don't control your mind. If you don't control you mind, you don't control your body either.
- Notice that stream of consciousness is a sequence of cause and effect where one thought or emotion or impulse triggers the next due to a memory, an association, an experience, or logic, without any actual entity controlling it.
Notice automaticity. Notice that when you do something, to a large extent it happens automatically. When you walk, you don't think about balance or having to move your feet a certain way, you just do it. Sometimes when you drive you find yourself on a section of road, but you don't remember getting there.
- Notice the feeling of agency (free will) comes from having impulses before you actually do something, but the impulse and the decision to follow it or reject it arises from unconscious processes that you don't have control over, they just pop into awareness like all other thoughts, emotions, impulses, sensory experiences, and senses of self or no-self.
- Notice the idea or feeling of being an observer of thoughts, emotions, impulses etc. is dependent on something to observe, and it comes and goes depending on intensity of attention, and it is no different from any other thought or feeling that arises from unconscious processes.
- Notice that when you are upset, the ego is usually involved and that you have an idea of a being, an entity "I" or "me" that needs to be protected from insult or injury, and that entity doesn't physically exist - what really exists are just the various separate parts, the body and tissues, the brain and its various regions, and the mind made up of different sources for thoughts, emotions, impulses, sensory experiences, and senses of self and no-self.
Most people have already noticed much of this without doing any formal meditation or mindfulness practices. What they haven't done is recognized the implications.
Another helpful practice is mindfulness. When you are mindful, in meditation or daily life, you are aware of what is happening or what you are doing in the present moment. You are not thinking about the past or the future or trying to solve a problem. You are just observing in the present moment. When you are mindful, when you mind is not wandering, when you are observing in the present moment, you are not thinking of a "me" that is separate from the aggregates.
The belief that there is an entity separate from the aggregates is called identity-view (sakkaya-ditthi), it is one of the ten fetters that are lost when one is fully awakened. Losing identity-view is the main component of the first stage of awakening, stream-entry.
* The Stream Entry of Ajahn Chah - By Ajahn Nyanamoli Thero
...You can describe to yourself your experience as a whole, which can be called ‘the five aggregates’. If something is external to it – you realise ‘how could I even think of that? How could I think of something external to my thinking?’ That is a complete contradiction in terms.
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